I am doing a fair bit of reflecting after my partner and I launched The Woven Dream website recently and I wanted to share a bit about how we got here.
I have been searching for the past 7 years to find what I love and share it with the world. This process of unpicking the complex web of my own inner self showed me just how important life balance is, and recognising this opened the space to follow my heart and create handmade art and gifts for the world out of natural, recycled and sustainable materials. If you want to learn more visit The Woven Dream Home Page , The Woven Dream About Page, and check out The Woven Dream Collections.
I have been weaving, dreaming and creating for the past two years, hand-making unique one of a kind products, building the look and feel of the brand in my head, filling many note books, making many mistakes, thinking I can't and I won't get anywhere with it. The sabotage often kicks in and takes hold over everything and sends me ten steps backwards. But the love takes over and seems to only be recognised via supporting myself and receiving support from others.
Everyday is filled with thinking - What can become of this? Where can I take this? The days a positive mindset is present are the days I recognise the progress, the days I feel in love with my work, in love with others and in love with myself. Progress that comes from a place of love, seems like it's the only organic progress possible.
All of the the searching, all of the feelings, all of the notes, the strive for finding my passion paid off with a feeling, it was all coming together. A simple thought, a humble intention to cooperate with the idea that I was ready to take the next step flowed through and allowed it to happen.
The next step was the website which my partner was going to be building for me through Shopify after his day job and on the weekend. The cooperation with the idea seemed simple at the time, then daunting to put into motion. Daunting because of the fact I was angry that I couldn’t do it all myself and had to ask for help. Daunting because I knew he is already helping others so much that he is exhausted because of it. Daunting because I knew how much I had to ignore the "we can't do this" shit and be a hard ass to push through it. Daunting because I knew I had to be like this to get it to happen or it would still be something to do in the future. Daunting because these feelings had already started for formulate into “he has got a lot on and doesn't want to understand it all, he doesn’t have enough time to fully understand”. The reiteration of “things don’t flow organically if they are not coming from a place of love”. All coming from a place of time and pressure my feelings actions and words were not who I was, they were all coming from a place of pre-empted fear, failure and destruction.
My partner has been a great help through all of the searching, all of the ups and downs and continues to encourage and support me where I need it. But I knew this was going to be tough. It would have been tough going through this with anybody - but when you have someone who knows you and forces you to face your own shit it can be really heavy stuff! We didn't set a date and had a lot going on at the time so it got pushed to the back of our minds and into the too hard basket over and over until we had to tackle it before the idea disappeared completely.
With a lot of hitting our heads against the wall and figuring out what we were up against we set ourselves a week to get everything out of my head, my notes, my research, my products, all of the product elements onto the site and ready to launch. I could see it wasn't going to happen if we didn't have a launch date because there will always be other priorities. There was a lot to finalise and a lot of work to be done.
This was a really tough time for us both - this is my work my heart, my life and the process was really confronting, difficult and upsetting. It is a tough process for any creative trying to get their ideas out there with any business let alone with a partner. My heart and soul is in this, it's my passion, my life so what happens when you work with anyone on a project is they need to fully detach themselves from feelings so they can meet deadlines. This is what I had to do (it didn’t happen) and this is what my partner had to do.
I looking back now, I think this is why so many creatives are not happy for example with branding from designers, they set a deadline and don’t allow the space and time for the designer to fully understand where the person is coming from. Time is money but if you want a designer to capture what it is you and your heart centred business is all about you need to pay them for this time, they need to fully understand it or you will not be happy.
This was not the problem with my partner, the problem was in fact the opposite. It was that he has seen the heart and fully understands my brand, my passion, my love. The problem was the time we set do do it, the pressure that came with this was dangerous.
What happened in this time?
We didn't factor in how long it would take for him to have to talk me through all of the walls I hit.
We didn't factor in how hard it would be to work as a team and find a good balance with each other.
All of our time was spent working on the website and the end result was that we were both burnt out.
We didn't sit down together and have a conversation about our understandings of what was about to happen.
We didn't prepare ourselves for this process to be really tough and emotionally, mentally and spiritually taxing.
I felt that he no longer understood the brand because there was no time for love and compassion.
We had no time for each other and didn't have the space to take care of ourselves for ourselves.
We let emotions get in the way and reacted to them instead for feeling and understanding them.
In all of this my partner remained working on the website and never gave up. On top of that he worked through my shit and got it all up and out on time, even the parts that were decided we had to leave, went live at launch time. He delivered an amazing site that captured everything we spoke about everything I had been building up to, the feeling, the love, the understanding, it was all there and it looks totally amazing. Complements flood through every day like “I didn’t expect the website would be so amazing”, “the site is amazing its so beautiful, “we love what you are about, we love your words”, “I didn’t think it was possible”. I believed he could do it I believed in him, but I did not recognise the energy we both needed to deal with everything else that came with it.
I felt horrible, how could I have been in a state of “he doesn’t understand, I'm not good enough, this whole things is shit, I should just give up”? This is just a little part of what happens when you find your passion, when you really want to shine, when you make progress in the right direction, your head does everything it possibly can to stop the progress, to stop you from stepping up, to sabotage everything in sight, but you just have to keep going if you want to shine! Everything that can go wrong will go wrong, everything that can get in the way will and every piece of self love feels like it just disappears. But I could not have done this without self love, it's always there under all the layers and it needs recognition and support from myself and others. And I could not have done it without him and his courage, love and support, his time and energy and super nerd brains. I love him to the moon and back and feel so grateful.
I'm left feeling like I have a lot to make up for, this was so tough on both of us, I feel I was too hard on him, on myself, I feel detached and unwilling to progress, but in all of this I know the love is there for myself, my partner, for my business and for what I do and I know not only is it there its roots are deeply grounded, it's layers shed to allow space for the beauty within to shine, the wind fails to reach its core and it continues to grow.
There are still many days where the sabotage will take over, take control and move me ten steps back again, but only through gratitude and love I can move on, move through it and keep going. I am slowly learning to appreciate these days because in every setback new ways to progress show up in one way or another.
I hope this can make just one persons' life a little easier and encourage growth, mindful reflections and little ripples across the universe.
With love and intent